Widdle Wabbits

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks “excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?” the shop keepers heart melts., he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level, and says .”do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit., or one like that widdle bwown one over there.?.” the little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers . . . “i dont wealy fink my pyfon gives a fuck.”

Binge!

Headlines in the papers last week decried boxer Ricky Hatton for going on a mad 4 day drinking binge, during which he consumed upwards of 57 pints of lager…

A quick straw poll of the rapidly diminishing crowd of Fountain regulars leads us to the conclusion that he’s a bit of a lightweight!

First one in

John Darwin walked into a police station after being missing presumed dead for 5 years.
He said ‘That’s the last time I go on holiday with the f***ing McCanns!’

First Joke In…

What’s the difference between Lewis Hamilton and the England football team?

Lewis Hamilton will still have a McLaren by the end of today!

Life from a Smartphone

Working away today, and with no access to the internet, the chance of an update was initially slim. However, there is always my trusty phone, so here we are. The only problem with this is I am limited by the number of characters it will allow me to use. So if I disappear mid senten

A Ghostly Tale

In the absence of anything of note to report, heres a spooky tale, forwarded to me by the Plastic Taff…

This happened a while ago in Dublin…

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road , hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and he had given up hope of a lift. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him and he didn’t even hear the car pull up alongside him. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to find there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car started moving eerily. Paralysed with fear, John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere and turned the wheel. John, still unable to move, watched as the hand came into the car but never touched or harmed him.

Then John saw the lights of a pub appear and, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and….wasn’t drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened and two hooded figures burst in from the stormy night. They, like John, were soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one shouts across:

“Oihh, youse, ya lazy eedjut ! You might have helped us push the fookin’ car!”

Bondage Taff

The Plastic Taffs ‘girlfriend’ presents herself for his ministrations (photo courtesy of Yorkshire Soul)

Wrong Teacher

Friendly Fire to our Advantage…

Friday Funny