Old Heatonian

Sage Advice

Following on from my recent car related debacle, where I went to KwikFit on a Sunday afternoon to get my wheels balanced – a decision I took based on excessive vibration when my speed exceeded erm… reasonable levels – and walked out with a bill for just short of £400 to replace all four tyres and the springs in my front suspension array (one of which had actually snapped) – my Fiat ‘dream machine’ decided to inflict further misery on me the other day…

With a meeting in Hull scheduled for 9.30am the following morning, my trip to visit a local plumber to remove a serious key logging virus from his laptop was curtailed sharply on Highgate when the engine began to lurch quite violently. Accompanied by a constant litany of individual ‘engine warning tones’ and flashing lights on my dash. Fearful of the immediate onset of ‘vibration white finger’ if I gripped the steering wheel for any length of time, I pulled into the car park of the local Health Centre, and considered my options.

I had seen these symptoms before. On all three occasions, a quick call to the AA resulted in the swift replacement of the errant ignition coil (which was failing, causing the engine to misfire on the particular cylinder involved). On each occasion that this happened, I was advised that ‘once one goes, the others won’t be far behind, so it may be worth carrying a spare in the boot’. Sage advice, which, being the arrogant ‘it won’t happen to me’ kind of person that I am, I chose to ignore. Three times.

So, I rang the AA. The nice lady on the end took my details and location and informed me that due to excessive callouts, they would be sending a contractor rather than an actual AA patrol, and they would be with me shortly.

It was cold in my car. I hardly dare run the engine to keep warm, as the excessive vibration was exacerbating my encroaching need to relieve my bladder. (Note: I ended up getting out and peeing against the back of my car). An hour and a half later, the patrol finally arrived, asked me to start the engine, give it some revs etc.

‘One of your ignition coils has gone’

‘Right. Can you fix it?’

‘Sorry mate, we don’t carry spares. When you get one though, you might be best getting a couple of spares. Once one goes, the others tend to follow’.

With that, he stepped back into the warm, inviting looking cab of his breakdown truck and drove off.

So my fiendish plot to get the AA to fix my car had failed, and I was left to my own devices.

Needless to say, the following morning I borrowed Mrs Funks toolkit and set off to the excellent GGB Motor Factors on Rutland Street to purchase a replacement part. Which I fitted myself! All by myself!!

As he was handing it over, the man behind the counter said:

‘Are you sure you only want one? Once ones gone, the others won’t be far behind you know?’

I snorted with derision and stormed out.

(Note: Inspired by my success with fitting my own ignition coil, I’m seriously considering stripping the engine down on Saturday and giving it a good clean. Somebody, please, stop me…)

Gossip, Random | | January 23, 2008